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Overcoming The Fear of Failure

Overcoming The Fear of Failure

At its most elemental level, people avoid the risk of failure for one simple reason – it hurts. Every single person has experienced failure. If you were to interpret failure by its definition in the dictionary, “the neglect or omission of expected or required action”, wouldn’t you, as a child, have stumbled along the way to achieving those long strident steps you take when strutting along the sidewalk? Yet, nobody feels ashamed of failing to learn to walk as a toddler. Why’s that? You could say that no-one in the right mind would expect that of a human child – we aren’t deer, or gazelles that need to shake off the afterbirth and walk – or risk predation. Our success as a species which put us at the top of the food chain negates that need. Fear is a function of the amygdala, yet failure isn’t. There’s a distinction here that we need to be mindful of. If you’re a parent or have access to YouTube, you’ve probably noticed that there’s an innocence in children that can be quite uplifting to watch, as they try multiple times to succeed at a simple task. They don’t puff their cheeks out and sigh in despair, or bury their heads in their hands. At most, they demonstrate frustration.

Shame is learned behaviour that children integrate into their developing moralities, either from being taught or through observation. Studies done on athletes have shown that perceived parental pressure (or pressure from authority figures) have deleterious effects on how sportspeople experience and interpret failure. Simply put, the fear of failure is a construct of how societies function. For some people, the avoidance of shame that failure brings weighs too heavily on them, and that is the crippling fear of failure. Dr Guy Finch puts this rather more succinctly: “fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame”. How then, do we begin to become more self-aware in the face of these deeply ingrained avoidance mechanisms to start building our best selves?

Evidence-based science suggests that the most efficient way to bring oneself out of the debilitating spiral of negative self-talk – one of the most insidious culprits in perpetuating avoidance based behaviours that stymie growth – is Psychotherapy method, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). 

After all, overcoming fear of failure is all about reversing negative thought patterns, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is designed to help you identify the underlying belief that causes a negative automatic thought (which in turn guides the feelings that come with it).

With the help of a qualified mental health professional, which can be anyone from a trained psychologist, psychotherapist or even psychiatrist, you can be empowered to break the circuit of the pervasive vicious cycle of negativity that prevents the unfettering of fear of failure’s heavy chains.

For instance, think of each deeply held criticism that you can’t let go of as a block in a Jenga game with your friends and the tower represents your thought life as a whole. Even though you’ve suffered through failure after failure, you can’t seem to jettison them from your psyche. Can you imagine a game of Jenga that doesn’t end in peals of laughter? It seems that some re-evaluation is needed to turn the way you handle each soul-sucking gut-punching failure from the darkness of your room. The grip of negativity steadying your trembling hand, an extension of your mind, putting each block up on autopilot because you believe you are not good enough. Instead, we suggest turning the lights on, invite someone you trust into your sanctum of despair, to play the game of Jenga with you. As you ease into their presence, you’ll begin to notice that the tower doesn’t look so intimidating anymore. It’s no longer just a congealed mess of all your shortcomings and toxic thinking, but a simpler thing that can be deconstructed. If each block represents a negative conviction you have about yourself that is too painful to touch, reach for the piece that looks more well-shorn and polished (which represents a perceived positive character trait or accomplishment that you hold dear). Put it back on top of your tower. It is yours, isn’t it? Or perhaps let your confidant handle that splintery block. 

Of course, we all know that Jenga isn’t all laughter and grand gestures. There’s physical tension and the cogitation of making the right choice so the tower doesn’t crumble prematurely. Maybe you aren’t too good at Jenga. That’s fine. But if you start thinking of this special game of Jenga as a collaborative effort instead of a competitive one, you’ll start getting the picture. Who would you like to invite to collaboratively play a game of Jenga?

 

 


  1. Sagar, S and Stoeber, J. Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and Affective Responses to Success and Failure: The Central Role of Fear of Experiencing Shame and Embarrassment. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2009, 31, pp 602-627.
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure. Accessed 2/6/2020.
  3. Photo by John Moeses Bauan on Unsplash
Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Psychiatrist. Which is right for you?

Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Psychiatrist. Which is right for you?

If you’ve been pottering around the Promises Healthcare’s ‘Our Team’ page, and are new to the world of mental health in that you’re considering making the leap to seeking help from a mental health professional, it’s our hope that this casual guide to demystifying the titles, designations and dizzying abbreviations that adorn each profile will point you in the right direction.

 

For starters, there’s one thing that each of our mental health professionals have in common. They all possess at minimum a Master’s level certification in their discipline, so you can be assured of all their competencies.

 

Psychiatrists

As we’ve shared in a previous article, a psychiatrist is at their core a medical doctor, which certifies them to prescribe neuropharmacological support – i.e., medication.

But of course, psychiatrists more often than not do indeed possess relevant counselling and psychotherapy certifications, because being well-versed in the craft of patient care in the mental health sector does help them delve deeper into the minds and psyches of their clients, and assist them in skilfully and empathetically overcoming boundaries that some clients may consciously or unconsciously put up that stymie the therapeutic process. 

Prescribing the most effective neuropharmacological support is buttressed by the psychiatrist’s skill in interpersonal communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Psychiatrists often describe themselves as observers, but it goes without saying that navigating these one-on-one interactions requires input from their side of the desk. While you might think that psychiatrists have reached the peak of the career trajectory of a mental health professional, keep in mind that by no means should you think of a psychiatrist as the fount of all mental health knowledge. Think of the ‘helping’ professions encompassed in the form of a large tree, rooted in a common desire to help people in need and supported by a trunk of science and evidence based knowledge , from which grows different branches representing the many ways in which mental health professionals can help someone in need – certain disciplines are applied more rigorously in helping certain conditions or situations. This is why Promises is described on our page as a multidisciplinary team of mental health professionals. Your treatment plan is provided by our team, and under the shade of our tree, you will be prompted to reach for certain branches – but at the end of the day, it is your choice to pick the leaves which seem most lush to you.

Psychologists 

Psychologists differ from psychiatrists in one key authority. They are not medical doctors, and therefore cannot prescribe you medication. You’ll notice that our stable comprises a good number of clinical psychologists – so, what exactly are they, and how can they help you? Clinical psychologists possess doctorate degrees in psychology, and are imbued with the ability to cater to clients who suffer from any number of the discombobulating disarray of mental health conditions which sadly, are still negatively stigmatised in society. Think schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, and their ilk. A clinical psychologist can make a diagnosis for you, if you think you are suffering from a mental health condition. Using the tools in their arsenals which they are trained in, such as psychometric testing, intelligence testing, personality testing, and much more, their diagnoses are firmly rooted in evidence based science. You could then make the logical conclusion that if they deem your condition treatable with medication, they would refer you to a psychiatrist. There’s a lot of symbiosis going on in our clinic!

 

The difference between Counsellors & Psychotherapists 

We’ll deal with counsellors and psychotherapists next, because the two fields are very much intertwined, aligned in some facets, while possessing in granular detail key differences. Counselling and psychotherapy are both broadly concerned with betterment of clients in need, and there is significant overlap in the goals of either mode of therapy. Now, on to the differences, which will help you better distinguish which leaf you’d like to choose. First, there is a temporal difference between the two in both the length of treatment and how far back into your life each mode of therapy delves into in order to solve your current issue.

Counselling, on one hand, tends to favour clients who are more self aware and sensitive to their emotions and thought processes, and need a helping hand in unpacking a recent difficulty or life altering experience that they wish to resolve. This is rather unlike psychotherapy, rooted in a humanistic tradition – some may refer to it as height psychology, a term which gained currency during the time of Abraham Maslow and his espousement of self-actualisation. Psychotherapy, in this sense, takes a long, lingering look at a person’s past, life changing experiences, deep seated traumas and neuroses, or any relevant factors – all to help a client gain mastery of self (self awareness) and challenge them to enact the necessary life changes that lead to self improvement. You might well think of counsellors more as “advisors”, and psychotherapists as the “life guides”. Of course, detract nothing from both disciplines – their practitioners chose their specialities precisely because they fit into their world-views and probably, because they thought that they were good at it!

 

How do you choose?

Of course, given the array of therapeutic modalities and mental health professionals, we understand that choosing the right leaves can be a bewildering experience. That’s why we feel it’s best that you browse the profiles of our therapists, read their biographies and see which of them you feel most comfortable seeing. In the near future, Promises Healthcare intends to refine and streamline your selection process by having a list of issues or conditions that you are having problem(s) with – your input will then guide you to the mental health professional in our team that is best equipped to deal with your issues. For now, take  a deep breath, sit back, read, absorb, think with clarity about what you want to deal with, and pick one to make an appointment with. Choosing the right therapist isn’t a one hit wonder – it takes time and patience, but rest assured that we’ll do our best to help you in that regard. 

 


Featured Photo by Evan Dennis on Unsplash