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Overcoming The Fear of Failure

Overcoming The Fear of Failure

At its most elemental level, people avoid the risk of failure for one simple reason – it hurts. Every single person has experienced failure. If you were to interpret failure by its definition in the dictionary, “the neglect or omission of expected or required action”, wouldn’t you, as a child, have stumbled along the way to achieving those long strident steps you take when strutting along the sidewalk? Yet, nobody feels ashamed of failing to learn to walk as a toddler. Why’s that? You could say that no-one in the right mind would expect that of a human child – we aren’t deer, or gazelles that need to shake off the afterbirth and walk – or risk predation. Our success as a species which put us at the top of the food chain negates that need. Fear is a function of the amygdala, yet failure isn’t. There’s a distinction here that we need to be mindful of. If you’re a parent or have access to YouTube, you’ve probably noticed that there’s an innocence in children that can be quite uplifting to watch, as they try multiple times to succeed at a simple task. They don’t puff their cheeks out and sigh in despair, or bury their heads in their hands. At most, they demonstrate frustration.

Shame is learned behaviour that children integrate into their developing moralities, either from being taught or through observation. Studies done on athletes have shown that perceived parental pressure (or pressure from authority figures) have deleterious effects on how sportspeople experience and interpret failure. Simply put, the fear of failure is a construct of how societies function. For some people, the avoidance of shame that failure brings weighs too heavily on them, and that is the crippling fear of failure. Dr Guy Finch puts this rather more succinctly: “fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame”. How then, do we begin to become more self-aware in the face of these deeply ingrained avoidance mechanisms to start building our best selves?

Evidence-based science suggests that the most efficient way to bring oneself out of the debilitating spiral of negative self-talk – one of the most insidious culprits in perpetuating avoidance based behaviours that stymie growth – is Psychotherapy method, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). 

After all, overcoming fear of failure is all about reversing negative thought patterns, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is designed to help you identify the underlying belief that causes a negative automatic thought (which in turn guides the feelings that come with it).

With the help of a qualified mental health professional, which can be anyone from a trained psychologist, psychotherapist or even psychiatrist, you can be empowered to break the circuit of the pervasive vicious cycle of negativity that prevents the unfettering of fear of failure’s heavy chains.

For instance, think of each deeply held criticism that you can’t let go of as a block in a Jenga game with your friends and the tower represents your thought life as a whole. Even though you’ve suffered through failure after failure, you can’t seem to jettison them from your psyche. Can you imagine a game of Jenga that doesn’t end in peals of laughter? It seems that some re-evaluation is needed to turn the way you handle each soul-sucking gut-punching failure from the darkness of your room. The grip of negativity steadying your trembling hand, an extension of your mind, putting each block up on autopilot because you believe you are not good enough. Instead, we suggest turning the lights on, invite someone you trust into your sanctum of despair, to play the game of Jenga with you. As you ease into their presence, you’ll begin to notice that the tower doesn’t look so intimidating anymore. It’s no longer just a congealed mess of all your shortcomings and toxic thinking, but a simpler thing that can be deconstructed. If each block represents a negative conviction you have about yourself that is too painful to touch, reach for the piece that looks more well-shorn and polished (which represents a perceived positive character trait or accomplishment that you hold dear). Put it back on top of your tower. It is yours, isn’t it? Or perhaps let your confidant handle that splintery block. 

Of course, we all know that Jenga isn’t all laughter and grand gestures. There’s physical tension and the cogitation of making the right choice so the tower doesn’t crumble prematurely. Maybe you aren’t too good at Jenga. That’s fine. But if you start thinking of this special game of Jenga as a collaborative effort instead of a competitive one, you’ll start getting the picture. Who would you like to invite to collaboratively play a game of Jenga?

 

 


  1. Sagar, S and Stoeber, J. Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and Affective Responses to Success and Failure: The Central Role of Fear of Experiencing Shame and Embarrassment. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2009, 31, pp 602-627.
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201306/10-signs-you-might-have-fear-failure. Accessed 2/6/2020.
  3. Photo by John Moeses Bauan on Unsplash
Youth Depression in times of COVID19 Pandemic: How Can We Help?

Youth Depression in times of COVID19 Pandemic: How Can We Help?

Youths these days have a lot on their plate. Teenagers have to cope with the highly competitive education system, and the fresh graduates are worried about employment opportunities or career advancement. Coupled with the need to maintain good relationships with their friends and family, these individuals may be experiencing high levels of stress. Some people do thrive well under stress, but what happens when stress levels exceed the healthy range? For those who are unable to cope, chances are their mental wellbeing would take a toll.  

 

With young people unable to attend school in person regularly or go into the workplace during the circuit breaker, they might have felt increasingly isolated due to the lack of face-to-face social interaction over this extended period of time. Furthermore, having to fight for their own space while at home with their family members may have caused some conflict and frustration for some. Undoubtedly, cabin fever may have also kicked in for some of them. Although circuit breaker measures have recently been eased, youths may not be able to adjust back to the norms as easily as one might expect. Reports have shown that it is expected that more youths will be prone to developing mental health issues such as depression due to the various implemented COVID 19 pandemic coping measures. 

 

Depression is one of the world’s leading mental health disorders, and youths have become increasingly prone to it. Studies have shown that depression affects up to 18% of Singaporean youths. People with depression may turn to self-harm or experience thoughts of suicide. These are often methods they adopt in order to cope with their difficult emotions. According to the suicide prevention agency Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), suicide remains the leading cause of death among youths aged 10 to 29 in Singapore, and as of 2018, 94 of them had succumbed to suicide. In order to curb the rise of depression cases among youths, it is important that we are able to identify the early stages of depression. Doing so will allow them to seek treatment earlier and to help them get back onto their feet. Depression, if left untreated, will severely impact people’s lives in a negative light, causing personal, educational and familial difficulties. 

 

Here are some of the most common symptoms of depression that you should look out for (not exhaustive): 

 

  • Extreme sadness and low mood
  • Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
  • Lack of self-worth
  • Increased lethargy
  • Experiences sleep disturbances and loss of appetite
  • Poor concentration and impaired memory
  • Sense of hopelessness and helplessness
  • Excessive self-criticism and self-blame

 

If you notice a friend or family member of yours showing such symptoms for long periods of time, perhaps it is time to seek help from a professional mental health expert. 

 

But how can we first better support troubled youths? When it comes to dealing with depression, individuals with mild depressive conditions could adopt self-help strategies such as trying to maintain a balanced diet, to pick up on relaxation techniques, embark on daily gratitude journaling exercises (e.g. 3 things I can be thankful for today) and get some exercise in, even if it’s just a stroll around the estate or exercises from ATHLEAN-X™ or Athlean-XX for Women. Try encouraging them to live a healthy lifestyle and maybe create a ‘Daily Wellness Plan’ – a list of little and big things they can accomplish on a daily basis to comfort and keep their moods up. However, it is key to take note that even though their depression may be perceived to be mild from a third person’s point of view, we should never make assumptions as to what they truly feel on the inside. We should never, under any circumstance, tell them to “snap out of it”. It is very important for us to be patient and listen to what they have to say if they do approach and confide in you. Stay empathetic and show your concern for the individual. Acknowledge and respect their feelings and worries. Listen actively by using active listening skills. Encourage them to join mental health support groups like those conducted by PSALTCare – journeying with others that are going through similar struggles can encourage social healing.

 

On the other hand, for those coping with moderate to severe conditions, we might need to encourage them to seek a multidisciplinary approach to recovery like psychiatric help and look to taking medications, with supporting psychotherapy or counselling sessions and support groups. They might also be afraid of the stigma attached to seeing a Psychiatrist or what would transpire in that session. Try to assure them that there is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is a lot more common in Singapore now, and a trip to the Psychiatrist is as straightforward as seeing your family doctor.  Alternatively, these youths can book appointments for psychotherapy first. With appropriate treatment and support, it is entirely possible for them to move on and lead a more productive and happier life. Here’s a questionnaire that is widely used by Psychiatrists to help determine depression to help you with next steps decisions: www.mdcalc.com/phq-9-patient-health-questionnaire-9

 

If you or anyone you know are struggling and are unable to cope with the post-lockdown blues, we strongly encourage you to get professional help.  Do not hesitate to contact us when necessary. 

 


 

References:

  1. Teen Mental Health: Depression (Accessed 22/05) 
  2. CNA: Under pressure at home and in school, youths battle depression (Accessed 22/05)
  3. Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

 

NeuroStar TMS Therapy® for Depression

NeuroStar TMS Therapy® for Depression

TMS1

How Does NeuroStar TMS Therapy® Work?

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) uses a targeted pulsed magnetic field, similar to what is used in an MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) machine. While the patient is awake and alert, NeuroStar TMS Therapy stimulates areas of the brain that are underactive in depression.2

NeuroStar TMS Therapy is an in-office treatment that takes 37 minutes, is performed while the patient sits in a chair, and is administered five days a week, for up to four to six weeks.

Simple steps for NeuroStar TMS Therapy:

  • Step One: The patient reclines comfortably in the treatment chair, awake and alert
  • Step Two: A small curved device containing the magnetic coil rests lightly on the patient’s head
  • Step Three: The device delivers focused magnetic stimulation directly to the target areas of the brain
  • Step Four: The patient can immediately resume normal activities

During treatment, the patient hears a clicking sound and feels a tapping sensation on the head. The most common side effect is generally mild-to-moderate pain or discomfort at or near the treatment area during the session. When this occurs it is temporary, and typically occurs only during the first week of treatment.

There are no effects on alertness or understanding; patients being treated with NeuroStar TMS Therapy can drive themselves to and from their treatment sessions. Above information is taken from: https://neurostar.com/neurostar-tms-depression-treatment/

Targeted Zaps to Treat Depression

Targeted Zaps to Treat Depression

Freedom from depression is possible through TMS treatment.

Each of us has a different genetic make-up, which is why anti-depressants may prove ineffective. Depression is a chronic mental illness that cannot be overcome simply by practicing positive thinking. For many who suffer from depression, a ‘normal life’ is often painfully out of reach. They may become more isolated and withdrawn, because it’s simply too difficult and agonising to ‘live a normal life’.

Promises Healthcare is the pioneer in providing rTMS treatment in Singapore.

rTMS stands for Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation or repetitive magnetic brain stimulation (also called TMS). It is a non-drug alternative to anti-depressants without any of the side effects. It’s non-invasive, unlike the dated practice of electroconvulsive therapy. The treatment requires 20-30 sessions lasting 40 minutes each. During each session, around 3000 targeted magnetic pulses are delivered to the specific area of the brain that regulates moods.

It is an FDA approved treatment for depression that is proven to work – and if you are treatment-resistant (to anti-depressant medication), TMS may just be that ray of hope.

Promises Healthcare also harnesses the power of TMS to treat anxiety disorders.

For more information on the rTMS treatment, please contact our clinic.

Introducing a New Treatment for Depression: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

Introducing a New Treatment for Depression: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

Promises is the first psychiatric practice in Singapore to be able to offer Neurostar® TMS Therapy to our patients for depression treatment. Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Therapy is one of the most technologically advanced treatments for depression available.