As the COVID-19 confinement continues, you may have a nagging question on your mind – “what have I managed to achieve”?
Tidy, clean desk draws, closets, and glove compartments; a surprising proficiency in a new language; the final 100 pages of War and Peace; an impressive yoga position; a dazzling new magic trick?
Several weeks into the confinement in Singapore and with several weeks to go before we can be physically social with our friends, some of us may be deflated.
When the confinement/circuit breaker started, we may have vowed to use all the new free time to do things we have never got around to doing.
Now that time is gradually slipping by – we may think that we still haven’t accomplished our goals.
As a psychotherapist, I listen to many people starting to stress that this opportunity of more time isn’t panning out the way they imagined – and that critical voice in their heads is telling them they are inadequate and unworthy.
Feeling Stuck in Shame
What I hear is the frustration of “stuckness.”
Clients tell me: –
I must be more productive
I should have achieved more since confinement began
I should be able to concentrate more and procrastinate less
I must have more enthusiasm, motivation and energy
Note the use of the words “should” and “must”. Our inner critic loves to remind us of all the things we should have done or must do.
It is important to be compassionate to ourselves and banish these words from our vocabulary – at least for the time being.
We may have overestimated what we could achieve in confinement; and underestimated the power of the inner critic, worry and low mood. These are preventing us from feeling satisfied with what is.
Perhaps we had the fond notion that confinement would be like a holiday – more rest, more family time, novel and interesting things to do, and relief from work and the other routines in life.
Reality may now be striking home. Anxiety about our jobs, income, and savings; fear about us and our loved ones contracting the virus; worry that food, masks, and other resources may be scarce; boredom at a routine in the cramped confines of home; the resurrection or development of old family dynamics, fraught with irritations, frustrations, disappointment, mistrust and anger. For some, isolation and loneliness may be an even more crushing weight.
Reframing our Expectations
What will help is kindness – and, in particular, kindness to ourselves.
Perhaps some of us are high achievers, driven by: concrete stretch goals, targets and objectives; KPIs; reports; numbers; test or exam scores.
But COVID-19 confinement is not the time to measure yourself in this way. It’s like drinking soup with chopsticks – frustrating.
I recommend that we redefine productivity and measure our day by whether:
we have achieved an emotional connection with ourselves and others,
got some exercise,
meditated for a few minutes,
did some yoga or Tai Chi,
read something (other than COVID-19 news or social media content);
did something creative, like photography, videos, painting, made some music, baked something new; and
spent “me time” – just sitting quietly, relaxing and enjoying being in the moment.
This confinement is not a competition – so we do not need to compare ourselves against others.
We must permit ourselves some numbing out to Netflix and videos – and not beat ourselves up if we eat some chocolate, cookies or chips.
Let’s also be realistic and recognise that our routines will be different – and that we won’t accomplish the same things in confinement. We will have accomplished things – but they just won’t be the usual things.
Manage your expectations, be gentle with yourself and kind to others – and you will find that there is meaning and purpose to your confinement.
Youths these days have a lot on their plate. Teenagers have to cope with the highly competitive education system, and the fresh graduates are worried about employment opportunities or career advancement. Coupled with the need to maintain good relationships with their friends and family, these individuals may be experiencing high levels of stress. Some people do thrive well under stress, but what happens when stress levels exceed the healthy range? For those who are unable to cope, chances are their mental wellbeing would take a toll.
With young people unable to attend school in person regularly or go into the workplace during the circuit breaker, they might have felt increasingly isolated due to the lack of face-to-face social interaction over this extended period of time. Furthermore, having to fight for their own space while at home with their family members may have caused some conflict and frustration for some. Undoubtedly, cabin fever may have also kicked in for some of them. Although circuit breaker measures have recently been eased, youths may not be able to adjust back to the norms as easily as one might expect. Reports have shown thatit is expected that more youths will be prone to developing mental health issues such as depression due to the various implemented COVID 19 pandemic coping measures.
Depression is one of the world’s leading mental health disorders, and youths have become increasingly prone to it. Studies have shown that depression affects up to 18% of Singaporean youths. People with depression may turn to self-harm or experience thoughts of suicide. These are often methods they adopt in order to cope with their difficult emotions. According to the suicide prevention agency Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), suicide remains the leading cause of death among youths aged 10 to 29 in Singapore, and as of 2018, 94 of them had succumbed to suicide. In order to curb the rise of depression cases among youths, it is important that we are able to identify the early stages of depression. Doing so will allow them to seek treatment earlier and to help them get back onto their feet. Depression, if left untreated, will severely impact people’s lives in a negative light, causing personal, educational and familial difficulties.
Here are some of the most common symptoms of depression that you should look out for (not exhaustive):
Extreme sadness and low mood
Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
Lack of self-worth
Experiences sleep disturbances and loss of appetite
But how can we first better support troubled youths? When it comes to dealing with depression, individuals with mild depressive conditions could adopt self-help strategies such as trying to maintain a balanced diet, to pick up on relaxation techniques, embark on daily gratitude journaling exercises (e.g. 3 things I can be thankful for today) and get some exercise in, even if it’s just a stroll around the estate or exercises from ATHLEAN-X™ or Athlean-XX for Women. Try encouraging them to live a healthy lifestyle and maybe create a ‘Daily Wellness Plan’ – a list of little and big things they can accomplish on a daily basis to comfort and keep their moods up. However, it is key to take note that even though their depression may be perceived to be mild from a third person’s point of view, we should never make assumptions as to what they truly feel on the inside. We should never, under any circumstance, tell them to “snap out of it”. It is very important for us to be patient and listen to what they have to say if they do approach and confide in you. Stay empathetic and show your concern for the individual. Acknowledge and respect their feelings and worries. Listen actively by using active listening skills. Encourage them to join mental health support groups like those conducted by PSALTCare – journeying with others that are going through similar struggles can encourage social healing.
On the other hand, for those coping with moderate to severe conditions, we might need to encourage them to seek a multidisciplinary approach to recovery like psychiatric help and look to taking medications, with supporting psychotherapy or counselling sessions and support groups. They might also be afraid of the stigma attached to seeing a Psychiatrist or what would transpire in that session. Try to assure them that there is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is a lot more common in Singapore now, and a trip to the Psychiatrist is as straightforward as seeing your family doctor. Alternatively, these youths can book appointments for psychotherapy first. With appropriate treatment and support, it is entirely possible for them to move on and lead a more productive and happier life. Here’s a questionnaire that is widely used by Psychiatrists to help determine depression to help you with next steps decisions: www.mdcalc.com/phq-9-patient-health-questionnaire-9