Scientists believe we are essentially wired to connect with other people, to socialise and build relationships with others. Indeed, we are all a profoundly social species as our drive to connect with others is embedded in our biology and evolutionary history. But what makes a healthy and meaningful relationship? A healthy, functional relationship usually involves a few characteristics, and trust is undeniably a key one. A relationship can’t last without trust for a number of reasons. We won’t dispute the cliché, “Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again”.
Building trust in relationships doesn’t occur overnight, it happens over time. Trust can be defined as having confidence, faith or hope in someone or something. But in another sense, trust can also mean believing that the other party will act in our best interest. With that said, let’s take a closer look at how we can learn to build mutual trust between ourselves and others in our personal and even work life.
“Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say”
Trust is fundamentally built on integrity, transparency and truthfulness. We trust those that stay true to their words and follow through with their actions. Perhaps it is also our instincts for self-protection, honed evolutionarily over centuries, kicking in. We pick up easily on red-flags and are particularly attentive to the proverbial boy crying wolf. Afterwhich, we learn to adjust our expectations and behaviour, doubting others and trusting them less in order to avoid getting hurt or being let down. Even the smallest of lies, when told frequently over time, will erode the level of trust between individuals. Actions speak louder than words – don’t allow yourself to give empty promises. Learn to keep to your promises and refrain from making commitments you are unable to honour. Be clear of what you have on your plate. In fact, if you are unable to commit to a request or a favour, have the courage to turn others down and explain your situation. Everyone would be worse off if you had promised something but was unable to follow through with it. In addition, avoid saying things that don’t actually represent your feelings. Hiding behind a facade may give others the feeling that you are being manipulative, and that you have an ulterior motive. This will make you appear unreliable and untrustworthy.
Consistency
Demonstrating consistent behaviour is key to maintaining a trust-based relationship with anyone, whether friends or colleagues. This means constant communications, being clear with your expectations, and being there for others during both good and bad times. How would you feel if a friend of yours is always there when things are going smoothly, but is the first to go off the radar whenever things get rough? Or if she bad-mouths you or reneges on her promises? It goes without saying that we will start trusting these people less over time, having known that they are not likely to support us when we need them most. Regularly showing your loved ones that you are there for them whenever they need support and care will go a long way in building and maintaining a healthier and stronger relationship.
Show Respect
Respect is key in any relationship, and it builds trust by illustrating to others that you value them. If it helps, think of respect as the common denominator in any relationship. People come from different backgrounds and are brought up to believe in different viewpoints. Disagreement or arguments often happen not because we have different opinions, but often because of the way we put our views forward. Often, our trust in and relationship with others are broken because we are being treated with condescension or contempt instead of the respect we all deserve. Likewise, we should always extend basic courtesy to the people around us and respect their right to an opinion.
Watch Your Body language
Did you know that over 50% of communication is non-verbal? Our body language is a form of non-verbal communication. Simple nonverbals that project openness and warmth can include a genuine smile, eye contact, an open body posture and coming down to their level. Moreover, this also ties in with the previous topic of respect. When talking to others, be present in the moment. Sometimes, we focus only on the words we use but neglect what our nonverbals are projecting. All too often, we try to multitask – and sometimes this means that we use our phones while sitting in front of someone else who’s talking. While we are used to multitasking in such a fast-paced era, simple gestures such as taking some time away from our phones and providing our full attention to others when necessary can help us to build mutual trust and respect.
Work on Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence can play a huge part in building trust, since it can give you greater insight into how others may be feeling about certain situations. This allows you to be better able to show authentic empathy and give them the support they need. Honing your emotional intelligence will take time, but it can be as easy as making an effort to examine how your words and actions will affect others before executing them. When people feel that you genuinely care for and recognise their feelings and needs, they will find themselves trusting you more. Of course, it is best that you follow through on ways to support them apart from active listening in order to strengthen the trust.
As mentioned, trusting relationships aren’t formed overnight. However, trust is integral to any healthy relationship. Without it, the relationship will end up being shaky and deprive you of emotional security. If you ever feel that a relationship between you and a loved one isn’t working out, and that it is barely kept afloat, it might be a good idea to seek the appropriate help and counselling.
Written by Dr B. Malavika, Psychological & Educational Therapist
Have you met Michael recently? He’s the bright, young, dynamic person at our office… I always thought of him as the person who’s the life of the party, and he genuinely seems to care for his colleagues… Aah, yes, the same person who unfortunately missed out a promotion this year… I heard his boss say that he definitely had the potential, but it wasn’t showing up in his work. He would initiate tasks with enthusiasm but would lose interest quickly; turned up late for meetings, or even forgot about them, and frequently misplaced important files as his table was often cluttered.
Does this seem familiar? Do you recognise similar signs in yourself or someone else you know? These issues might be due to something known as Executive functioning deficits or disorder (EFD). Though symptoms start in early childhood, the challenges might have been seen as the individual’s behaviour problems and not as a syndrome. Even as adults, many of those with EFD aren’t aware they have it — they just know that even everyday tasks can be challenging.
What is EFD?
Executive functions are the set of higher-order mental skills that allow us to analyse, plan, organise, make suitable decisions, manage time, focus attention and execute the plan. No matter how smart or talented one is, not much will get done well without these key capabilities. The human brain comprises of two systems: the automatic and the executive. While the automatic system guides 80 to 90% of our activities every single day, the executive system guides the remaining 10 to 20% and requires purposeful, regulatory effort.1
What causes EFD?
Experts don’t know exactly what causes this and a 2008 study found that differences in these skills are “almost entirely genetic in origin due to differences in brain chemicals” 2
People who have executive functioning deficits might have problems with many of these functions:
starting, organising, planning, or completing tasks on deadline.
multitasking
listening or paying attention
remembering tasks or details
problem-solving
time management
decision making
controlling emotions or impulses
prioritising
But it is important to note that EFD is not associated with low IQ.
Almost everyone has some symptoms similar to EFD at some point in their lives but It isn’t EFD if the difficulties being faced are recent or occurred only occasionally or intermittently in the past. If you’re curious to know if you do have EFD, you could take the test given below.
Even if you’re not sure if EFD is indeed the cause of the problems experienced, or, if you do not want to give it a label, you could still use the tips/ strategies given below to enhance your general skills and productivity at work.
One surprising way found to improve executive function in adults is aerobic exercise. Many research journals have published that regular aerobic exercise in older adults can boost the executive functions that typically deteriorate with age, including the ability to pay focused attention, to switch among tasks, and to hold multiple items in working memory.3
If you think that the feeling of the constant deluge at the office is largely the result of so many things clamouring for attention at once, a tool like Stephen Covey’s Quadrants can be used. Each quadrant (Q) has a different property and is designed to help prioritise tasks and responsibilities. These are:
Q 1 – Urgent and important
Q 2 – Not urgent but important
Q 3 – Urgent but not important
Q 4 – Not urgent and not important
Another useful technique is the Pomodoro technique of time management developed by Francesco Cirillo in the late 1980s. It uses a timer to break down work into 25-minute intervals, separated by 5-minute breaks. This method not only helps you remove distractions and enhance focus on your task, but it also factors in time to take a short breather.
Those who are tech-savvy can find these as smartphone apps. Other technology tools that can help are File-sharing software like Dropbox to keep notes handy, digital sticky notes or reminders, and password manager software to keep track of passwords. Those who are not comfortable with technology can compensate for working memory deficits by making information external — using cards, signs, symbols, sticky notes, lists, journals, clocks and timers.4
Other simple workable strategies are:
Break large tasks into smaller individual tasks and put them into a linear order or flow chart. This helps provide clarity and allows you to monitor your progress
Keep a routine
Know yourself and get your best work done according to your own biorhythms
Give it a positive twist – make the activity a ‘want to do’ instead of ‘should do’.
Games can help to improve executive function skills. Games like Checkers, Monopoly, and Clue use planning, sustained attention, response inhibition, working memory and metacognition. Games like Zelda and SimCity help with problem-solving and goal-directed persistence. Managing fantasy sports teams also use executive skills like task initiation and time management while having fun.4
Positive emotions reduce the impact of stressful events on the self and help build resilience. They make us more flexible, allowing us to be more open to options of problem-solving. Studies show that people feel and do their best when they have at least three times as many positive emotions as negative emotions.5 It is, therefore, most important that you periodically reward yourself when you have met the goals you have set. Equally important is positive self-talk which is a powerful tool for increasing your self-confidence and strengthening your resolve to make these healthy new habits a part of your personal and working life.
When to seek help?
Diagnosis of EFD can be difficult because certain symptoms are similar to those caused by other conditions, such as ADHD, LD, depression, anxiety, mood disorders or OCD. If any of the symptoms listed above continually disrupt your life, talk to a mental health professional. There is a variety of strategies recommended by experts to help strengthen the areas of weakness that EFD creates. Treatment options could be medications and therapy such as occupational or speech therapy, Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
Are you feeling tired most of the time despite having a good night’s sleep? Are you constantly feeling low energy and unproductive? These are just a few of the typical symptoms pointing towards unhealthy levels of stress. Constantly feeling worn out could be an alarm that your body is sounding – a message that it is overwhelmed and unable to keep up. Undeniably, we often put ourselves in a constant heightened state of alertness, especially in such a fast-paced society. Our sources of stress may differ, from high-pressure jobs to challenging and taxing relationships. Stress affects everybody – even if you may not be physically attending to any particular concern, allowing it to occupy your mind frequently and fretting over it can contribute to chronic stress. Without proper management and control, chronic stress puts pressure on the body and will ultimately wreak havoc on your physical and mental health.
As a natural biological response to demanding circumstances or situations, our body releases hormones such as cortisol, a stress hormone. Alongside adrenaline, cortisol helps to fuel your body’s ‘fight-or-flight’ instinct whenever a crisis surfaces. A stressor may be a long term one, such as the routine stress related to the pressures of school, work, family, and other daily responsibilities, or short-term occurrence brought about by a sudden change, such as losing a job, illness, or facing dangerous situations. In an ideal situation, when an individual faces a trigger, the adrenal glands in the body secrete cortisol and a complex hormonal cascade ensues, preparing the body for the ‘fight-or-flight’ response. Following that, cortisol inhibits the production of insulin in order to increase the uptake and usage of glucose so that more energy is made available to the surrounding muscles. Arteries will also be narrowed, increasing the heart rate and forcing blood to be pumped harder and faster around the body to help you confront the immediate threat. Once the individual resolves and addresses the situation, negative feedback kicks in and hormonal levels will then fall back to the norm.
With this said, when we are constantly under high levels of stress, our alarm system doesn’t turn off. This means that our body is continually in high-gear and cortisol levels will remain high, to the point where it becomes harmful. Small doses of cortisol are safe, and in fact, is important for your health as it also serves to regulate your metabolism and blood sugar level amidst other key functions. However, in the case of chronic stress, constantly high levels of cortisol take a toll on your body’s resources, leaving you exhausted. Over time, continued strain on your body from stress may contribute to serious health problems. Hence, there is a need for us to tackle the root of the problem and ensure that we manage our stress levels to reduce the risk of negative health effects.
You might have been advised to change your lifestyle for the better at least once in your life by a family member or a friend – and we cannot stress this enough. It is essential that you learn to live a healthier lifestyle, which includes stress reduction and learning to manage your hectic schedule. If you continue to live an overly-demanding way of life, it is highly likely that you may succumb to chronic stress or worse, other mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. Moreover, can you imagine how hard your adrenal glands will have to work in order to continue producing sufficient stress hormones? Needless to say, the high cortisol levels will also impact your physical health and lead to other conditions such as digestive problems, high blood pressure or sleep issues. This results in a vicious cycle – with less sleep, the more exhausted you feel.
Working on stress reduction can be as easy as doing deep abdominal breathing exercises, and incorporating meditation. Schedule regular times for these and other healthy and relaxing activities. They are simple, cost-effective, and are readily available. In this highly technological age, there are many applications available on your devices to further assist you in such activities as well. On the contrary, if you feel that you aren’t quite the kind to sit down and meditate, you can also opt to do some physical exercise to help boost your mood and improve your health. Organising activities with your friends such as playing a game of badminton or volleyball can help you to keep your mind off things, and at the same time, seek the social support you need when necessary. Of course, exercising alone is perfectly fine too, the main point is that exercising produces endorphins – chemicals in the brain that help alleviate stress by acting as natural painkillers.
Watching what you ingest is also equally important. For example, for heavy coffee drinkers, try to cut down on caffeine. Although the threshold for caffeine might differ for every individual if you notice that your excessive caffeine intake is making you jittery or on the edge, consider cutting down on it. Instead, you may want to replace it with other beverages that have a calming effect, such as chamomile, lavender or peppermint tea. Drinking a cup of warm milk before bed can help you get a better night’s sleep too. In addition, you might want to consider eating foods such as avocados, which are known to offer omega-3 fatty acids that can help reduce stress and anxiety. However, we should always remember that everything should be consumed in moderation.
Last but not least, learn to say no, and only commit to responsibilities that you can cope with! Although not all stressors in your life are within your control, some of them are. It is crucial that we manage what we have on our plates, and not bite off more than we can chew. Try to be mindful of what you have accomplished at the end of the day, not what you have been unable to do. Juggling many responsibilities at once can leave you feeling disheartened and overwhelmed, and this increases your stress levels unnecessarily.
Alcohol. A beverage that many people enjoy drinking; be it for socialisation or as an escape from reality. However, it is also a beverage that can harm your health and adversely affect many lives. Indeed, alcohol abuse has become increasingly rampant, where it is one of the leading causes of disease and death, with 5.3% of all global deaths and over 200 diseases and injury conditions resulting from the harmful use of alcohol. Worryingly, it is also a phenomenon that has affected Singapore, with 9.6% of Singaporeans engaging in binge drinking (as of 2016) and an increasing number of Singaporean young adults battling Alcohol Use Disorders (AUD). As such, alcohol abuse has become a growing cause of concern.
There are many reasons why alcohol consumption is increasing. Alcohol consumption has been perpetuated by the media in recent years, with an increase in advertising and marketing of alcohol. For instance, in Australia, people are exposed to about nine alcohol televised advertisements every month. In turn, exposure to such advertisements causes alcohol consumption to be glorified and promoted, where people have unrealistic positive expectations towards alcohol, believing that it boosts one’s mood and invokes cheerfulness and confidence. Additionally, alcohol consumption has also increased due to peer pressure. Be it a work engagement or partying with friends, people often find it hard to say no to alcohol, as that rejection may cause disapproval among colleagues or friends. Thus, many people engage in risky drinking behaviour to socialise and develop their relationships.
However, a more significant reason behind alcohol consumption is feelings of anxiety or having anxiety disorders. People with anxiety disorders have 2 to 3 times the risk of having alcohol use disorders (Smith & Randall, 2012). Many people tend to use alcohol to reduce social anxiety, as they believe that alcohol is an excellent aid to speak up and gain more confidence around others. Similarly, people use alcohol as a form of self-medication to overcome anxiety symptoms and stress, relying on it as a coping mechanism. However, contrary to popular beliefs, alcohol exacerbates rather than alleviates anxiety symptoms. This worsened anxiety makes them drink more and have more alcohol-related problems, which causes further anxiety and stress.
Alcohol abuse also causes anxiety. Drinking alcohol builds a tolerance to de-stressing effects of alcohol. This creates a temporary sense of relaxation but later leads to feelings of depression and anxiety. This is because the prolonged use of alcohol can act as a stressor and activate the body’s stress response system, changing neurotransmitter levels in the brain and causing an increase in stress and anxiety. As such, alcohol can worsen anxiety symptoms.
Therefore, anxiety and alcohol abuse tend to fuel each other in a vicious feed-forward cycle of co-occurring addiction and anxiety, which is difficult to break out from. As such, integrated treatment for both anxiety and alcohol use should be readily available.
Treatment
There have been existing parallel or subsequent attempts to treat both anxiety disorder and AUD (i.e. treatment for anxiety disorders first, followed by AUD). However, studies have found that parallel treatments have caused worse alcohol outcomes compared to just seeking one treatment. This is possible because the cognitive load of receiving two separate treatments may be confusing or overwhelming for people, causing them to feel anxious or turn back to drinking as a coping mechanism. As such, these type of treatments causes a “co-morbidity roundabout”, which is a metaphor of mental health problems resurfacing when attempting to tackle substance disorders (and vice versa), thus failing to break out from the vicious cycle of these co-morbid disorders. Therefore, it is clear that both anxiety disorder and AUD are inter-related issues, and an integrated treatment approach is vital to tackle both disorders.
Stapinski et. al. (2015) carried out an integrated treatment for comorbid social anxiety and AUD, where participants undergo both Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing. Moreover, it involves core components such as building coping skills, developing alternative reinforcers and preventing relapse. This provides participants with useful skills such as enhancing social support networks, correcting misconceptions towards the benefits of drinking, reducing avoidance of social situations and developing healthy coping skills to manage triggers for drinking or anxiety.
This study took place over ten 90-minute sessions, where 117 participants with both social anxiety and AUD took part in this study. 61 of the participants received integrated treatment (both AUD and social anxiety) and 56 of the participants received treatment for AUD only. Results showed that both treatments enabled a great reduction in alcohol use and dependency. However, participants that underwent the integrated treatment were observed to have a greater decrease in social anxiety symptoms and a greater increase in overall quality of life. More importantly, these results remained constant even after a 6-month follow-up. This means that integrated treatment has long term effects on overall functioning and quality of life.
Early Interventions
While the above has proven that integrated treatment is indeed useful in overcoming social anxiety and AUD, the road to recovery is a long and arduous journey, where there are a lot of physical and mental challenges suffered by both the clients and their families. Hence, these issues could be more easily overcome or even avoided if there are early intervention and support to at-risk youths.
Over the years, the number of youths drinking alcohol has increased. According to the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children (2004), the number of youths that engage in binge drinking increase tremendously between the age of 18 and 21 (from 18% to 35% respectively). Furthermore, 18-year-olds who drank alcohol as a coping mechanism or who had anxiety disorders were 1.8-3.8 times more likely to drink. Both groups had a greater risk of transitioning from low-risk alcohol use at age 18 to high-risk alcohol use at age 21.
There are many motives that may drive youths to drink alcohol. A primary reason is that youths are at a phase where they are transitioning to adulthood. Adulthood brings more stress and anxiety due to changes such as new relationships; along with new responsibilities and challenges such as living in a dormitory and budgeting. Additionally, this phase of life also provides youth with more autonomy and drinking opportunities (e.g. clubbing, drinking games). With these drastic changes in life, youths often drink to enhance positive moods, socialise with others, conform to social groups, or as a coping mechanism to overcome stress or anxiety. This causes harms associated with alcohol to peak in early adulthood, emphasising the importance of early intervention to avoid these detrimental consequences.
An ongoing programme called “Inroads Study” (Stapinsky et. al., 2019) aims to provide early intervention to youths with anxiety disorders and AUD. It seeks to enhance anxiety coping skills and address coping-motivated drinking. Moreover, this programme is specially tailored to make it more relevant and appealing to youths. This includes making the programme available online, which is preferred by youths as it is more convenient, affordable and reduces stigma. Participants can freely access online therapy sessions and modules about tackling challenges often faced by youths. Thus, such interventions can address the interconnections between anxiety and alcohol use, as well as reach out successfully to youths in a relevant and appealing manner.
Prevention programmes are also forms of early intervention that may benefit younger youths (i.e. 13- or 14-year-olds) that have a ‘high-risk’ of developing substance disorders, even if they do not currently have a substance disorder. It is vital to identify early onset of problems faced by youths and nipping them in the bud, providing them with early support and teaching them relevant life skills. This prevents problems faced by youths from developing into more severe adulthood problems such as substance disorders, chronic mental health problems and delinquency.
One such prevention programme was organised by Edalati & Conrod (2019), who first identified at-risk youths through the Substance Use Risk Profile Scale; where those with higher levels of certain personality traits (e.g. sensation seeking and negative thinking) were at higher risk of abusing substances before the onset of use. Afterwards, these youths attended coping skills workshops, CBT and motivational interviewing. Results showed that the programme proved effective in reducing alcohol use, alcohol-related harms and emotional and behavioural problems (i.e. symptoms of anxiety and depression). This shows the importance of early intervention and prevention programmes.
In conclusion, it is apparent that there are interconnection and the longstanding link between anxiety and alcohol use, where this co-morbidity can cause huge effects on one’s physical and mental wellbeing. Thus, this raises the importance of integrated treatment, allowing both conditions to be resolved at the same time. Furthermore, early intervention is extremely vital to offer support to youths and prevent potential disorders from occurring. More importantly, all this shows that alcohol is not the answer to relieve stress and anxiety, and can only serve to exacerbate rather than resolve our problems. Thus, such action could be done to reduce excessive alcohol use in our society, such that harmful usage and effects of alcohol could be prevented.
Smith, J. P., & Randall, C. L. (2012). Anxiety and alcohol use disorders: Comorbidity and treatment considerations. Alcohol Research: Current Reviews, 34(4), 414–431.
Stapinski, L. A., Rapee, R. M., Sannibale, C., Teesson, M., Haber, P. S., & Baillie, A. J. (2015). The clinical and theoretical basis for integrated cognitive behavioral treatment of comorbid social anxiety and alcohol use disorders. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 22(4), 504–521.
Golding, J., & ALSPAC Study Team (2004). The Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children (ALSPAC)–study design and collaborative opportunities. Eur J Endocrinol. 151, U119-U123.
Stapinski, L., Prior, K., Newton, N., Deady, M., Kelly, E., Lees, B., Teesson, M., & Baillie, A. (2019). Protocol for the Inroads Study: A Randomized Controlled Trial of an Internet-Delivered, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy-Based Early Intervention to Reduce Anxiety and Hazardous Alcohol Use Among Young People. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 8(4), 1-14.
Edalati, H., & Conrod, P. J. (2019). A Review of Personality-Targeted Interventions for Prevention of Substance Misuse and Related Harm in Community Samples of Adolescents. Frontiers in psychiatry, 9, 770.
Strong social connections are vital to our mental and physical wellbeing – they help us navigate stressors and give us the courage to overcome the challenges that we face. Positive relationshipsare pivotal for an individual’s happiness, productivity, and form the foundation of a person’s support system. As such, we must not take these relationships for granted. Instead, we need to learn how to continue building and maintaining such positive relationships with others.
As an overall guideline, a good way to start is for us to adopt the “Above and Below the Line” thinking. Has someone ever told you in the heat of an argument that you have “crossed the line”? In every domain of life, there’s a line, and we all intuitively know where “the line” exists. In any given moment, we are either living Above the Line or Below the Line.
When we are “below the line”, we are constantly angry, closed, and looking for blame and excuses. When we are operating out of fear, we withdraw from our connections, which causes us to become estranged from others, and pull ourselves back emotionally. In such cases, try gathering the courage to connect with what you’re afraid of. Although this could turn out in both good and bad ways, it will be worth a shot. At least you will then be able to confront the grip of toxic fear and bring forth behaviours and beliefs that are above the line. Anger, on the other hand, causes us to blame others or the situation we’re in, while at the same time creating excuses for ourselves. At times, we can even move into a state of denial. In order for us to start living “above the line”, we need to be more mindful of our emotional state. This could mean being more sensitive to the context and perspective of others or the situation. When we are “above the line”, we are operating out of love, understanding, and appreciation in order to tackle anger and take ownership of what’s happening. Acknowledge that pushing the blame on others continually will wear you out, and will eventually take a toll on your relationship. Moreover, remind yourself to be less prideful and try giving others credit instead. Focus on gratitude for those around you, and start showing appreciation for their contributions and positive impact on your life.
When we choose to live “below the line”, we fall victim to the biases that influence our perception, thereby impacting our relationships in a negative way. Such biases may include:
Egocentrism
Egocentric behaviour often stems from inadequate awareness of the self. This becomes limiting in the sense that we become embedded in our own point of view rather than attempting to understand the perspective of the other person. Egocentrism can often lead to feelings of anger and frustration, and severely impacts our capacity to deal with others in an appropriate manner.
Fundamental Attribution Error
Fundamental Attribution Error is the tendency to explain others’ behaviour and actions based on internal factors. This means having a cognitive bias to assume that someone’s behaviour is dependent on the personality of that person. When we overemphasise personal characteristics and qualities and choose to ignore situational factors when judging someone else’s behaviour, we become increasingly narrow-minded, making it difficult for us to resolve situations in an efficacious manner. For example, if a road user cuts into our path while driving, our initial thought might be that the driver is a “jerk”, or someone who is highly impatient. However, we fail to consider the possibility that the driver could have been rushing a passenger to the hospital.
Naive Realism
Naive realism is the tendency to believe that we view everything around us objectively and those other individuals who disagree with our viewpoint must be uninformed, irrational, or biased. This also causes us to be self-righteous and narrow-minded.
Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias describes the tendency of individuals to seek evidence that confirms and reiterates a previously held view. A classic example of this is the belief that women are poor drivers compared to men. We pay particular attention to the gender of such poor drivers and cherry-pick evidence that reinforces the idea of the poor motor skills of women.
As much as possible, we should try staying away from living “under the line”. When we fall victim to such biases, our perceptions become clouded, causing us to be incapable of handling our social connections well and in a healthy manner. Try staying away from negative emotions, and be more open-minded and understanding of the other party and the situation at hand.
So, how can we make the shift and start living “above the line”? Instead of living in fear, anger and pride, try living in courage, faith and love. Gather the courage to improve yourself, and take tiny steps every day. Reflect on the personal qualities and weaknesses that you think you need to work on and make the effort to change. If someone gives you constructive feedback, take it! Focus on self-improvement and don’t let pride and arrogance overcome you. Have faith in yourself and in the relationships you share with others. Believe that relationships can be worked on and salvaged, even if they are on the rocks. Lastly, give and spread love. Love will bring out the greatness in yourself, and the best in others. Show the people around you that you genuinely care for them, and that you appreciate their presence. Positivity will certainly go a long way and bring individuals closer together.
Above all else, perhaps you could ask yourself a simple question when tackling any situation in a relationship: Is your intention to help or to hurt? If you are willing to take the step to be more mindful of your intentions, then you’re already on the road to building and maintaining positive relationships. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. On the other hand, should you require any further guidance, don’t be afraid to reach out to us.
Depression has been portrayed extensively in pop culture and media, from R.E.M.’s hit song “Everybody Hurts”, to the television series “13 Reasons Why”. The phrase “I’m so depressed” is thrown around casually when someone has had a bad day or when they can’t get their favourite brand of ice-cream. But what is depression, really? How does it affect us, and can it be treated?
If someone was recently fired or lost a loved one, it would be natural to feel grief at such events. However, grief is not depression. Depression is classified as a mood disorder that causes unusually low moods for an extended period of time and may impair one’s ability to function at work and at home. Grief or other stressful situations may sometimes trigger depression, but unlike grief, there is often no discernible cause for the hopelessness and despair a depressed individual feels. Depression affects everyone differently, and factors such as one’s family background, environment, or physical state can impact their chances of developing depression, and how severely it impacts them.
Depression has a variety of symptoms that can vary in intensity, including;
Low mood;
Loss of interest in typically pleasurable activities;
There are several different types of depression, with the most common being Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). According to a study conducted by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), 1 in 16 people in Singapore have experienced MDD in their lifetime. Major depressive episodes last about eight months and have a 70% chance of recurring within five years, though this varies with each individual.
There is also Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), also known as dysthymia. This type of depression can last for several years, with symptoms receding for no more than two months at a time. PDD is much harder to spot, as the symptoms are often not as severe as MDD. Due to the length in which PDD affects individuals, friends and family may eventually brush it off as part of their personality. Others may think that they are just naturally “gloomy”, or “introverted” and “withdrawn”. Some individuals may also experience major depressive episodes while in the midst of PDD. This is known as double depression.
If any of the above sounds like they might apply to you or someone you know, you may be wondering “what can I do?”. The first step would be to speak to a mental health professional, who can properly assess the situation and make a diagnosis if necessary. They can then recommend a form of treatment. However, there is no “one size fits all” treatment. It may take many tries to find one that works for you. To help find that, here are some proven methods of treatment.
Medication
Antidepressants prescribed by psychiatrists help to stabilise one’s mood by adjusting specific parts of their brain chemistry. SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed class of antidepressants and help to boost the effects of serotonin in the brain. Antidepressants take time to produce full effects so don’t be discouraged if you don’t experience any effects immediately. However, if the antidepressants do not work after an extended period of time, or produce unpleasant side effects, speak to your psychiatrist about changing medications. When taking antidepressants, be sure to adhere to the prescribed dosage in order to see the best results. There is a common misconception that if someone feels better after taking antidepressants for a while, they can stop taking it immediately. This is not the case, and can instead cause their mood to suddenly crash back down again. If you are feeling better after taking antidepressants, speak to your psychiatrists, and together you can work out a plan to reduce the dosage of antidepressants.
Therapy
While medication can help to reduce symptoms of depression and improve one’s mood, they may not cure depression. Speaking to a counsellor or therapist can help to uncover underlying issues that are causing distress. The therapist can then focus on addressing these issues and equipping you with appropriate techniques to cope. Contrary to what is depicted on television, therapy does not involve lying on a couch and talking about your childhood. It is important that you feel comfortable with your therapist and develop a relationship with them where you are able to share openly about your struggles. One of the most commonly used forms of therapy is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which takes a goal-oriented approach to tackle negative behaviours or emotions.
Unfortunately, even with the wide variety of treatments available, the majority of people suffering from depression do not actually seek professional help. In many cases, this is due to the stigma associated with mental illness and the fear of what others may say. People with depression are often told “just stop being sad”, or “you should be happy, you have so many things to be thankful for”. So they hide it. They struggle each and every day and they hope that they’ll just get better on their own. But that makes the process so much harder. Support from friends and family is crucial in the recovery process.
Depression is a disease that can happen to anyone. It could happen to the quiet kid that sits in the corner. Or to your best friend who’s always been bubbly and lively, and now seems like someone else that you can barely recognise. But just like other diseases, it is possible to recover from depression with the right support from friends, family, and therapists. So be kind to one another, love one another, and when things get tough, be there for one another.
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