Being in the rat race can be exhausting, especially when we feel the need to constantly measure up. With the majority of us being brought up in a competitive culture, we tend to compare and be compared against others in terms of our achievements and levels of success. In some way or another, there is also a certain mindset that we should feel a certain level of shame or guilt if we are not as high performing (i.e. productive) as we should be. However, we failed to recognise that our productivity is not all there is to determine our self-worth. We cannot measure our own self- worth or self-value based on what we can or have achieved. Our unique qualities, as well as our intrinsic values, are all factors that contribute to what makes us truly ourselves. We need to focus less on external yardsticks and appreciate our inner qualities. Falling into the misguided notion of equating our state of busyness or productivity to our self-worth will lead to unnecessary stress and other health-related issues – both mentally and physically.
People who tend to beat themselves up for the various things that they were unable to complete rather than acknowledging what they have actually accomplished will experience low levels of self-worth. In fact, for these individuals, the amount of praise they give themselves is much lower than the amount of self-blame when they fail to get things done. Surely, a common measurement of productivity is the number of materialistic accomplishments. But it is also a common misunderstanding that busyness is a reflection of productivity. The misconception is that when a person is ‘too free’, he is being unproductive.
Productivity, unlike what most would expect, isn’t about getting as much done as you can and checking off every task on your to-do list. Productivity isn’t just about producing more. Instead, it is about focusing and spending time on the right things. There is a difference between spending your precious time and energy on a multitude of tasks that aren’t nearly as important, as compared to accomplishing a few things that matter the most to you. Our point is – try doing some soul-searching, and understand what you truly value or what are the things that define you. This will help you to refocus your time and energy on what you actually want to accomplish at work and in your personal time. If you treasure familial relationships more than work, then allocating more time towards family bonding will seemingly be more productive, and time well-spent. Redirecting your energy towards what you value most is what ultimately contributes to your self-worth as by doing so, we focus more on our intrinsic self.
We need to recognise that self-worth is the opinion we have about ourselves and the value we placed on ourselves. Under most circumstances, we can safely say that our productivity is not equivalent to our self-worth. Firstly, it is of utmost importance that we stop comparing ourselves to others. Although easier said than done, we need to come to terms with the fact that people are bound to walk down different paths. What is important to them may not matter even the slightest bit to you. Similarly, what they have achieved shouldn’t automatically become your personal goal just to match up to them. The more we compare ourselves to others’ achievements, the less satisfied we will be with ourselves and the lower our self-esteem becomes. Needless to say, this becomes totally self-defeating.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the common saying that we should always “focus on the process, not the outcome, and you will enjoy great success”? In light of this, the only being we should be comparing ourselves to is our past self. Are you doing better than before? Are you allocating time for self-improvement and self-appreciation?
This leads us to our next point – we need to cut down on excessive self-criticism and self-blame. Instead, embrace and accept our flaws. As humans, we are all inherently flawed. However, no one should have to believe that he or she is less worthy, inadequate or inferior due to his or her flaws. Viewing your weaknesses from such an angle will only cause your self-confidence to plummet. Instead, think about how you can change your bad habits, if these were your flaws for example, and improve on yourself. Getting yourself on the road to becoming a better version of yourself will prove to be more effective in raising your self-worth than by using productivity or the number of tasks you got done as a mode of measurement.
As mentioned, we all have our own unique qualities that distinguish us from others. It is important that we recognise and appreciate them, for they make us one of a kind. If you ever feel down in the dumps, with feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy, it helps to remind yourself that you are more than that. Grab a piece of paper and list down your positive traits and things that you appreciate about yourself. Doing some inner-search and writing down words of affirmation can definitely lift your spirits and help you regain your self-esteem.
With that being said, some may still find it tough to detach themselves from counting on productivity-based self-worth. After all, it may have become a habit, having been brought up with such a mindset. However, we need to note that this becomes a problem if it causes us to succumb to unhealthy levels of stress and anxiety, especially if we overload ourselves with too much work and aspirations in an attempt to boost our self-worth. If you find yourself overwhelmed and unable to cope, we hope you’ll seek help from professionals for the sake of your mental wellbeing in the long run. Do reach out to us whenever deemed necessary.
In an article titled “Drug syndicates get crafty as supply disrupted, prices spike”, Andrew da Roza, addictions therapist at Promises Healthcare, told Straits Times reporter Zaihan Mohamed Yusof that “anecdotally”, the costs of illegally imported prescription medication and illicit drugs have risen, “although supplies appear to be available”. Mr da Roza goes on to say that he has noticed that some drug addicts are managing withdrawal symptoms and cravings by substituting their drugs of choice with alcohol, new psychoactive substances and over-the-counter medication. The article also mentions that people may seek alternative methods to obtain illicit substances as supply chains are disrupted – such as turning to the Dark Web to get their needs fulfilled by mail.
It wrote that we (Promises) have seen a 25% increase in visits to the clinic “because people are having a harder time managing compulsive behaviours such as substance abuse, smoking and gambling during the circuit breaker period.”
If you are having trouble managing an addiction, you should know that Promises Healthcare has kept its doors open all through the pandemic in service of promoting mental health. Further, in keeping with social distancing measures, our clinic is also offeringteleconsultations in place of regular visits. Support groups have also moved meetings online, which are going ahead as scheduled – on platforms like Zoom instead of physical gatherings. Do contact us for more details.
At its most elemental level, people avoid the risk of failure for one simple reason – it hurts. Every single person has experienced failure. If you were to interpret failure by its definition in the dictionary, “the neglect or omission of expected or required action”, wouldn’t you, as a child, have stumbled along the way to achieving those long strident steps you take when strutting along the sidewalk? Yet, nobody feels ashamed of failing to learn to walk as a toddler. Why’s that? You could say that no-one in the right mind would expect that of a human child – we aren’t deer, or gazelles that need to shake off the afterbirth and walk – or risk predation. Our success as a species which put us at the top of the food chain negates that need. Fear is a function of the amygdala, yet failure isn’t. There’s a distinction here that we need to be mindful of. If you’re a parent or have access to YouTube, you’ve probably noticed that there’s an innocence in children that can be quite uplifting to watch, as they try multiple times to succeed at a simple task. They don’t puff their cheeks out and sigh in despair, or bury their heads in their hands. At most, they demonstrate frustration.
Shame is learned behaviour that children integrate into their developing moralities, either from being taught or through observation. Studies done on athletes have shown that perceived parental pressure (or pressure from authority figures) have deleterious effects on how sportspeople experience and interpret failure. Simply put, the fear of failure is a construct of how societies function. For some people, the avoidance of shame that failure brings weighs too heavily on them, and that is the crippling fear of failure. Dr Guy Finch puts this rather more succinctly: “fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame”. How then, do we begin to become more self-aware in the face of these deeply ingrained avoidance mechanisms to start building our best selves?
Evidence-based science suggests that the most efficient way to bring oneself out of the debilitating spiral of negative self-talk – one of the most insidious culprits in perpetuating avoidance based behaviours that stymie growth – is Psychotherapy method, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
After all, overcoming fear of failure is all about reversing negative thought patterns, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is designed to help you identify the underlying belief that causes a negative automatic thought (which in turn guides the feelings that come with it).
With the help of a qualified mental health professional, which can be anyone from a trained psychologist, psychotherapist or even psychiatrist, you can be empowered to break the circuit of the pervasive vicious cycle of negativity that prevents the unfettering of fear of failure’s heavy chains.
For instance, think of each deeply held criticism that you can’t let go of as a block in a Jenga game with your friends and the tower represents your thought life as a whole. Even though you’ve suffered through failure after failure, you can’t seem to jettison them from your psyche. Can you imagine a game of Jenga that doesn’t end in peals of laughter? It seems that some re-evaluation is needed to turn the way you handle each soul-sucking gut-punching failure from the darkness of your room. The grip of negativity steadying your trembling hand, an extension of your mind, putting each block up on autopilot because you believe you are not good enough. Instead, we suggest turning the lights on, invite someone you trust into your sanctum of despair, to play the game of Jenga with you. As you ease into their presence, you’ll begin to notice that the tower doesn’t look so intimidating anymore. It’s no longer just a congealed mess of all your shortcomings and toxic thinking, but a simpler thing that can be deconstructed. If each block represents a negative conviction you have about yourself that is too painful to touch, reach for the piece that looks more well-shorn and polished (which represents a perceived positive character trait or accomplishment that you hold dear). Put it back on top of your tower. It is yours, isn’t it? Or perhaps let your confidant handle that splintery block.
Of course, we all know that Jenga isn’t all laughter and grand gestures. There’s physical tension and the cogitation of making the right choice so the tower doesn’t crumble prematurely. Maybe you aren’t too good at Jenga. That’s fine. But if you start thinking of this special game of Jenga as a collaborative effort instead of a competitive one, you’ll start getting the picture. Who would you like to invite to collaboratively play a game of Jenga?
Sagar, S and Stoeber, J. Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and Affective Responses to Success and Failure: The Central Role of Fear of Experiencing Shame and Embarrassment. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2009, 31, pp 602-627.
Vasantham (Mediacorp’s Tamil & Hindi TV Channel) studios reached out to Promises Healthcare’s Senior Clinical Psychologist, S C Anbarasu, in the name of bringing greater mental health awareness to the Indian community in Singapore.
In En Ullae S2 episode 9, we are introduced to an exuberant boy, who upon closer inspection is revealed to suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Is he beset by developmental issues, or is there a more benign explanation? Senior Clinical Psychologist S.C. Anbarasu opens the episode with a parsimonious explanation of ADHD – simply, people with ADHD are distinguished by a lack of ability to pay attention, and appear to have vast amounts of energy, hence, ‘hyperactivity’.
In a dramatisation, the boy’s mother wears an expression of bemused exasperation – the problems began even before his birth. Prolonged labour (which occurs after 18 – 24 hours), and a possible Caesarean section heralded the coming of a “problem child”. Anusha Venkat then recalls how, at the age of 2 or 3, she came to the realisation that her son’s inability to focus was far more prevalent than what she observed in other children. Even a couple of seconds of concentration seemed to be a hard ask. He couldn’t remain placated long enough to complete any task. At the childcare, teachers baulked at how he pinged from corner to corner of the room.
Anusha reveals how a serendipitous discovery that Carnatic music could calm him down enough to remain in one spot for more than 10 minutes. A breakthrough! Anbarasu explains that while a child suffering from ADHD can disrupt classroom proceedings, it is pointless to use force to discipline them. ADHD can make someone feel like they are “constrained within a container” if they are impelled to do a task in which they have no interest. Instead, they expend their energy reserves by indulging in some other activity – like running around and being a little menace. For parents who are unaware of ADHD as a mental health condition, seeing their child act out can be scary. In fact, Seelan (the boy protagonist) went undiagnosed at age 3 – doctors merely offered that most children are, well, rambunctious tots at that age. It takes a diligent parent to make a reasoned conclusion that their child may suffer from ADHD. Seelan was given assorted tasks to complete, with his attention span closely watched, even who he liked or disliked in class was logged.
However, Anbarasu recommends that care must be taken to conduct a diagnosis per the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM-5). First, the test must be conducted on children below the age of 12. While school-going children come with a larger raft of observable behaviours due to differences in environment (home, school, etc), Anbarasu admits that is is not easy to chalk up roughhousing or rowdiness to ADHD when those are developmentally appropriate behaviours for a child. Apparently, six or seven are ages when an accurate diagnosis is reached easiest.
Aside from Carnatic music, Seelan’s attention span was helped by repetitive menial tasks like peeling potatoes, chopping ladies’ fingers and carrots. Anbarasu acknowledges that dealing with ADHD in children is a time-consuming task because they aren’t able to complete tasks as quickly as their peers. He calls on parents to pick up the slack – strategising holistic ways to help their child, both at home and in school. It’s a collaborative effort between teachers and parents to then carry out an agreed-upon strategy.
All is not doom and gloom, however. Seelan is observed to play with Lego building blocks for hours on end, despite not performing in the classroom. Anbarasu calls this ‘hyper-focus’. It is a state of mind wherein the mind eliminates noise that potentially distracts them from the task at hand, a sort of “perk” if you will. We are cautioned that encroaching upon this state of hyper-focus can exacerbate emotional issues and precipitate anger. People with ADHD are victim to ‘emotional dysregulation’, which may manifest from frustration in perceived inability to complete tasks satisfactorily. Seelan was unable to appreciate the benefits of delayed gratification, getting restless and upset if things didn’t go his way. Anbarasu explains that this results from emotional dysregulation as well.
At some point, Seelan faces potential expulsion from his class due to the complaints of other children’s parents. Especially in Singapore, where grades are paramount, a poor academic performance which results from an inability to work with a child’s ADHD can be distressing to parents. The teeth-gnashing frustration can make parents feel helpless, and Anbarasu suggests that these situations call for a consultation with a professional therapist who will elucidate the behavioural issues at hand. This gives parents more information to plan future steps. Parents of children with ADHD also attract stinging criticism from other parents. They might feel inadequate in their roles as nurturers and mentors. Anusha has accepted this to be a part of life, chortling as she muses that “you can’t change people”. Whatever the case, it isn’t fair to fault parents for a child’s ADHD. Or the child. Anbarasu clarifies that ADHD is a neuro-developmental disorder – in other words, that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Blame should not be apportioned. Anusha recalls how Seelan used to behave like an attention hog – in its absence, tantrums would be the order of the day. According to Anusha, dealing with instances of emotional dysregulation like this is challenging, especially if you have to deal with the needs of your child while observing social propriety.
Every child’s circumstances are different, so Anbarasu recommends that care be taken to evaluate if danger is imminent. Shouting for a little is perfectly OK. Deal with them after they have thrown their fits because anger is not conducive to receptiveness to advice. Anbarasu is careful to eschew the notion of a “cure” for ADHD. Rather, he says that it is “treatable”. Whether with medication or psychotherapy, or a combination of the two.
Children with ‘combined-type’ ADHD are challenged in a triune of areas – attention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. For these cases, neuropharmacological support is required, to aid concentration and retention of information in class. If the ADHD is not as pronounced, therapy alone could manage the condition. For parents who are especially harrowed by their child’s condition, they should know that there is ample evidence in favour of managing ADHD through the concurrent administration of medication and therapy. On top of psychiatric interventions, there are support groups inside and outside the classroom for parents who are overly stressed.
The episode closes with the narrator speaking over clips of Seelan looking positively cherubic. The viewer is called on to spare the snide remarks, replacing them with positivity, understanding, and “plenty of support”.
Youths these days have a lot on their plate. Teenagers have to cope with the highly competitive education system, and the fresh graduates are worried about employment opportunities or career advancement. Coupled with the need to maintain good relationships with their friends and family, these individuals may be experiencing high levels of stress. Some people do thrive well under stress, but what happens when stress levels exceed the healthy range? For those who are unable to cope, chances are their mental wellbeing would take a toll.
With young people unable to attend school in person regularly or go into the workplace during the circuit breaker, they might have felt increasingly isolated due to the lack of face-to-face social interaction over this extended period of time. Furthermore, having to fight for their own space while at home with their family members may have caused some conflict and frustration for some. Undoubtedly, cabin fever may have also kicked in for some of them. Although circuit breaker measures have recently been eased, youths may not be able to adjust back to the norms as easily as one might expect. Reports have shown thatit is expected that more youths will be prone to developing mental health issues such as depression due to the various implemented COVID 19 pandemic coping measures.
Depression is one of the world’s leading mental health disorders, and youths have become increasingly prone to it. Studies have shown that depression affects up to 18% of Singaporean youths. People with depression may turn to self-harm or experience thoughts of suicide. These are often methods they adopt in order to cope with their difficult emotions. According to the suicide prevention agency Samaritans of Singapore (SOS), suicide remains the leading cause of death among youths aged 10 to 29 in Singapore, and as of 2018, 94 of them had succumbed to suicide. In order to curb the rise of depression cases among youths, it is important that we are able to identify the early stages of depression. Doing so will allow them to seek treatment earlier and to help them get back onto their feet. Depression, if left untreated, will severely impact people’s lives in a negative light, causing personal, educational and familial difficulties.
Here are some of the most common symptoms of depression that you should look out for (not exhaustive):
Extreme sadness and low mood
Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
Lack of self-worth
Increased lethargy
Experiences sleep disturbances and loss of appetite
But how can we first better support troubled youths? When it comes to dealing with depression, individuals with mild depressive conditions could adopt self-help strategies such as trying to maintain a balanced diet, to pick up on relaxation techniques, embark on daily gratitude journaling exercises (e.g. 3 things I can be thankful for today) and get some exercise in, even if it’s just a stroll around the estate or exercises from ATHLEAN-X™ or Athlean-XX for Women. Try encouraging them to live a healthy lifestyle and maybe create a ‘Daily Wellness Plan’ – a list of little and big things they can accomplish on a daily basis to comfort and keep their moods up. However, it is key to take note that even though their depression may be perceived to be mild from a third person’s point of view, we should never make assumptions as to what they truly feel on the inside. We should never, under any circumstance, tell them to “snap out of it”. It is very important for us to be patient and listen to what they have to say if they do approach and confide in you. Stay empathetic and show your concern for the individual. Acknowledge and respect their feelings and worries. Listen actively by using active listening skills. Encourage them to join mental health support groups like those conducted by PSALTCare – journeying with others that are going through similar struggles can encourage social healing.
On the other hand, for those coping with moderate to severe conditions, we might need to encourage them to seek a multidisciplinary approach to recovery like psychiatric help and look to taking medications, with supporting psychotherapy or counselling sessions and support groups. They might also be afraid of the stigma attached to seeing a Psychiatrist or what would transpire in that session. Try to assure them that there is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is a lot more common in Singapore now, and a trip to the Psychiatrist is as straightforward as seeing your family doctor. Alternatively, these youths can book appointments for psychotherapy first. With appropriate treatment and support, it is entirely possible for them to move on and lead a more productive and happier life. Here’s a questionnaire that is widely used by Psychiatrists to help determine depression to help you with next steps decisions: www.mdcalc.com/phq-9-patient-health-questionnaire-9
If you or anyone you know are struggling and are unable to cope with the post-lockdown blues, we strongly encourage you to get professional help. Do not hesitate to contact us when necessary.
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